Dr. Gregory: I gather you had a few problems at your last school?
Buffy: Well, what teenager doesn't?
Dr. Gregory: Cut school, get in fights, burn down the gymnasium... Principal Flutie showed me your permanent record.
Buffy: Well, that fire, I mean, there was major extenuating circumstances. Actually, it's, uh, kinda funny!
Dr. Gregory: Can't wait to see what you're gonna do *here*.
Buffy: Destructo Girl. That's me.

Buffy: Well! Look who's here!
Angel: Hi.
Buffy: I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib.
Angel: I won't be long.
Buffy: No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night. Right?
Angel: You're cold.
Buffy: You can take it.
Angel: I mean, you look cold.
Xander: Oh, right! Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, no one needs to be trading clothing out there!

Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
Giles: I think there are too many 'guys' in your life.
Giles: I'll see what I can find out. God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful, how ever can we escape this torment?

Natalie: I'm looking for Science... 109.
Xander: Oh! It's, um...
Xander: I go there every day!
Xander: Oh, God, where is it?

Blayne: Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection.
Xander: Guess it's what they call a rehearsal! Rehearsal...

Cordelia: Medically prescribed lunch. My doctor ships it daily... I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath.
Cordelia: His head! His head! Oh, my God, where's his head?!

Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory?
Giles: Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a, a common, extremely well proportioned way.
Buffy: Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover.
Giles: He what? Ran away?
Buffy: He was petrified.
Giles: Of Miss French?
Buffy: Uh-huh! So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand... How many things am I afraid of?
Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.

Giles: If you're right, then she'd have to be a shape shifter or a perception distorter. On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford, Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology mythology.
Buffy: Entoma-who?
Giles: Bugs and fairy tales.
Buffy: I knew that.

Buffy: I don't think she's human.
Xander: I see. So if she's not human she's...?
Buffy: Technically? A big bug.

Buffy: Bat sonar. Makes your whole nervous system go to Hell. You can go there with it!
Giles: Well, I... I'd say it's deceased.
Willow: And dissected.
Xander: You okay?
Buffy: Yeah.
Xander: Just for the record, you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you!

Willow: I'm really glad you're okay. It's so unfair how she only went after virgins.
Xander: What?
Willow: I mean, here you guys are, doing the right thing, the smart thing, when a lot of other boys your age...
Blayne: Flag down on that play, babe. I am *not*...
Giles: Well, you see, that's the She-Mantis' modus operandi. Uh, she only preys on the pure.
Xander: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day!
Blayne: My dad's a lawyer. Anyone repeats this to anybody, they're gonna find themselves facing a lawsuit.
Xander: Blayne! Shut up!