The Puppet Show Quotes

Giles: Thank you, Cordelia. Tha-that's going to be lovely.
Cordelia: But I didn't do the part with the sparklers!
Giles: Um, w-we'll, um... save that for the dress rehearsal.
 
Xander: Had to see this to believe it.
Giles: Oh. You three.
Buffy: The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment?
Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call 'em 'principals' now.
Giles: Mm. He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the
students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but, uh, he would have none of it.
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
 
Buffy: Well, we're really, really sorry, but about the talent show, pleeease, you can't make us...
Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in *my* world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
Xander: Can I just mention, that detention is a time-honored form of punishment?
Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At.
 
Xander: Willow, you can do stuff. Uh, the piano...
Buffy: You play?
Willow: A little.
Buffy: Well, that's cool. You can accompany us and we can *attempt* to sing.
Willow: Oh, i-in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play...
Xander: Whatever happened to corporal punishment?
 
Sid: It is real. I'm the one with the talent here. The kid's dead weight. How about you and I do a little rehearsin' on our own, honey?
Xander: Uh, hey!
Sid: You know what they say: once you go wood, nothin's as good!
Buffy: Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy, ha, ha, it's very funny, but you might wanna consider getting some new schtick. Unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log.

Giles: Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on.
Buffy: This is so unfair.
 
Joyce: Hi, hon. How's it, uh, going with the talent show?
Buffy: It'll be over soon.
Joyce: It can't be that bad! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act.
Buffy: Seeing? I-in the sense of actually attending?
Joyce: Of course!
Buffy: Uh-uh! No, Mom, y-y-you can't! And, I mean, if I know you're out there watching, I'll freeze up, stage fright.
Joyce: But I wanna support what you're doing!
Buffy: Look, Mom, if you really love me, and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away.
 
Cordelia: But the mood! It'll be all wrong! My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal... hygiene or something. Anyway, it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that Rock and Roll.
Cordelia: Uhhh, what?
Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair?
Cordelia: Ohmigod!
Giles: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.
 
Xander: He's... not... real! I think our demonstration proves that, uh, Sid is wood. Now, why don't you go and find Morgan and prove he's... whatever he is?
Giles: I imagine he's looking for his puppet.
Buffy: I'll go find Morgan. You watch the dummy.
Xander: Bye-bye, now. I'm completely inanimate.
Xander: Redrum! Redruuum!
 
Sid: You win. Now you can take your heart and your brain and move on.
Buffy: I'm sure they would have made great trophies for your case.
Sid: That woulda been justice.
Buffy: Yeah, except for one thing: you lost, and now you'll never be human.
Sid: Yeah, well, neither will you.
Buffy and Sid: What?
 
Sid: The kid here was right all along. I shoulda picked you to team up with. But I didn't because...
Buffy: Because you thought *I* was the demon.
Sid: Who can blame me for thinking? Look at you! You're strong, athletic, limber... nubile... I'm back! In any case, now that this demon's got the heart and brain, he gets to keep the human form he's in for another seven years.
Giles: I must say, it's a welcome change to have someone else explain all these things.
 
Giles: Cordelia, there, uh, there-there's, uh, uh, an adage, uh, that, uh, if you're feeling nervous then, uh, you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear.
Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Uhhh!
Giles: Perhaps not.
Cordelia: Yeah.
 
Sid: So, what's your deal, kid? I don't figure you for a demon hunter.
Buffy: I'm a Vampire Slayer.
Sid: You?! You're the Slayer? Damn! I knew a Slayer in the 30's. Korean chick. Very hot. We're talking *muscle* tone. Man, we had some times. Hey, that was pre- dummy, alright? Now, I was a guy!
Buffy: So, you kill the demon and the curse is lifted, right?
Sid: That's the drill.
Buffy: You don't actually turn into a prince, do you? I-I mean, your body...
Sid: Is dust and bones. When I say free...
Buffy: You mean dead.
Sid: Don't get sniffly on me, sis. I've lived a lot longer than most demon hunters. Or Slayers, for that matter.
 
Buffy: This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.
Xander: In other words, I'm safe!
Buffy: And it's gonna be looking for the smartest person around.
She and Xander look at Willow. She looks back and forth between them.
Willow: What?
 
Willow: Oh, ruler of my country, Oedipus, you see our company around the Altar, and I, the priest of Zeus!
Xander: Ha, ha! They prophesize that I should kill my father. But he is dead. And hidden deep in the soil. But surely I must fear my mother's bed.
Buffy: Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, unhappy Oedipus, that is all I can call you, and all that I ever shall call you.
Xander: Darkness! And horror of darkness. Unfolding, restless, visitant, sped by an ill wind in haste.
Xander: Madness, and... Madness a-and stabbing pain, and, a-and, uh... oh... oh... memory of, uh, i-ill deeds I have done.