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the darkness in here is as heavy as a judgment

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A flirty, sweet-edged voice filled Oz's bedroom; it was coming from the lavender radio on the floor. In his lap he held a TY stuffed orangutan. Its hands and feet were bright orange, its body a dark purple, green, blue rainbow, and its yellow bearded mouth purple. Faith had bought it for him before they started dating, and he loved it. Given it to him for friendship and trust. He didn't have too many toys. Actually he had none. He had a lot of records (including one he borrowed from Giles), CDs (one of Veruca's), video games, metallic blue and black nail polish, two guitars, and now he had a toy.

On his wall was an old Dingoes Ate My Baby flyer and the poster for Idle Hands. There was also a picture of him and The Scoobies in the Sunnydale High library, which of course now was nothing but a ruin of burnt chairs and blackboards. At the foot of his purple cotton bed was a blue feather boa. On the table beside his bed he kept a blank card with a gray wolf on it - one of those cards the wildlife organizations send in hope of receiving donations. Inside the card he kept a picture of Faith - his favorite picture. Isis had taken it in the playground one sunny afternoon; it was a low angle of Faith smiling with her eyes somewhat closed, her hands on her jean thighs - a cocky, "I'm the best Slayer" carefree smile on her dimpled face. She didn't know about the picture or that it was his favorite. They were dating now, but it was still his secret.

Faith walked into his room, brushing her brunette waves with the shiny purple Scooby Doo brush he had recently given to her. She was wearing his dark brick red Sunnydale High School tee shirt and violet socks.

"Hey now," she said.

He smiled. "I knew you were gonna say that. Hey now."

She nodded at the radio. "Listening to Foxy, huh. What sorry-ass sex problems do people have tonight."

"Same as last night."

"Impotent husbands, pregnant bisexual girlfriends, and faboo STD's."

"Hey, don't underestimate the charm of an STD," he said.

Faith smiled, tilting her head as she worked the brush through her hair. Just the week before they and The Scoobies, including Cordelia, Isis and her boyfriend Heath, had gone on spring break to Miami. Luckily, Oz got to sit next to Faith on the plane, and since they were living together it seemed no biggie to sleep in the same bed at the hotel. They spent the whole week doing things they could have done at home - playing at the arcade, going to the movies, eating fast-food, but they didn't care. They did manage to visit a waxwork that was kind of tame compared to what they saw on The Hellmouth. It was after the trip that Faith asked him out. Since they shared an apartment with Lissa and Isis, Faith made Oz close his eyes as she walked outside and knocked on the door to pick him up for their date. She had even worn a dress and new open-toe silver heels Cordy had bought for her. Now Oz had what he had waited patiently for - just Faith.

As soon as she sat at the foot of his bed Oz reached over and turned off the radio. On his teal tee shirt was a purple silhouette of Josie and the Pussycats.

"You know, I never asked Giles why I'm fire. I mean, I don't feel like fire, anymore."

"That's your slayer element. What's your birthday element?"

She wrinkled her eyebrows. "Huh?"

"I'm an Aquarius and Aquarius is air. And if you're a Wicca like Nancy you get an element."

Faith expected Oz to say "Willow" with Wicca, but he didn't. She wondered if he still thought of the redhead. Red wasn't so thrilled that Oz was dating an ex-enemy. The dark-haired slayer shrugged, holding the brush in her lap.

"Beats me. Is there a special Chinese horoscope element?"

"There is. Monkeys, rats, snakes, dragons."

The auburn-haired boy held the stuffed toy to his chest, his thumb stroking its multi-colored fur.

"You're really liking that monkey," Faith smiled. "Yeah, I never really bought anyone a real present before. I mean, there was Buffy and her mom on Christmas, but they were crappy. My dad bought me a snow globe once, but I tossed it."

In the silence that followed Faith thought about Buffy's mom. Wow. Her mom. Never expected that one to happen. "She knew. Joyce knew about me. How I really felt. She saw through all the leather and lipstick. Funny, huh. Guess moms are like that. The best ones, anyway."

"You miss her."

"Don't you?" She glanced halfway at Oz. "Yeah, I miss her. She made bitchin' fries, and she really listened when I talked. Even the times I wasn't threatening her with a knife or stealing her lipstick.

"Buffy gave it to me. Said Joyce would have wanted me to have it. Harlot."

She turned to Oz, seeing his sudden questioning raise of an eyebrow.

"Her lipstick. I told her I liked slaying, that I lived for it, and she accepted that. No twenty questions. No thinking I was psycho chick. Those first few days in Sunnydale I could tell Joyce wished B had my attitude."

It felt like home in Sunnydale until Kakistos came and ruined things. Until Gwendolyn Post called me an idiot in front of B and Angel. And everything started to crumble. Pushing Xander away. Killing a human being. Rejected by Angel. Falling into sleep. No wait, everything started with Madchin and her death I ran from. Run little girl run, all the way from Boston to Sunnydale where belonging is tougher than the vampires I slay. I say, I slay. Five by five. Share, share, that's fair. Want, take, have, but I couldn't take her friends.

Her glassy velvet brown eyes looked at Oz as she licked her lips.

"I told Joyce I was pregnant. I didn't know who to tell besides Wesley, and Joyce seemed like someone to tell. And I sometimes imagined what she would say to Buffy if it was her who was pregnant. She wasn't mad at me because I'm not her daughter, but do you think she would have been mad at Buffy?"

"I don't think so, Faith." His voice was calm and gentle.

Faith looked away from Oz, her eyes looking at her feet; she wiggled her big toe in her purple sock.

"Oz, I don't want to have sex with you." Her plan was to avoid looking into his face or eyes as she spoke; her fingers rested on her cold knees. "I mean, I know you've done it before, duh. And you know I've done it before, but . . . I just don't feel like making it all about screwing. I'm kind of tired of that. I'm not saying I never - with you, but for now I don't."

"I don't, either."

His response caused her to look at him. "You don't expect me to jump right in?"

Oz shook his head. "Why would I?"

The gloss on her lips brought out the alluring faint dent in her lower lip.

"I guess I just thought that's what you wanted from me."

"Definitely not. In you I see an intelligent, beautiful girl with a whole lot of hootenany spirit. We all have problems, hence my phases and your-"

"Redemption. They're seems to be a lot of that going around."

He smiled faintly. "Faith, I just want to hold your hand, play video games, watch corny slasher flicks, and when the time comes for sex we'll know it. We won't even have to say anything. I'm in no rush, mostly because that would mean making my days and nights with you go by quicker than I want them to."

Leaving the brush at the corner of the bed Faith crawled to Oz and kissed his lips softly. His tender face warmed her with a little smile.

"Did you just say all that stuff to get a kiss?" She was smiling, her teeth showing as she joked.

"No, but the kiss was nice. So, what do you say? Deep Rising again?"

Faith winced as she pushed her shoulders back, tilting her head back. She settled cozy beside Oz on the bed.

"I hate to say it, but I'm craving a little Henry."

Intertwining her arm around Oz's, he nodded.

"E.T. it is then. Open the Reesces Pieces."

"Don't forget the licorice," she said.

"Strawberry."

*Lyrics taken from the song "Seven Years" written by Michael Timmins.